Tag Archives: blended family

Step parenting: 3 tips for overcoming the drama and stress that arises

photo credit to: ramblingsofagiftedteacher.wordpress.com-

photo credit to:
ramblingsofagiftedteacher.wordpress.com-

Good morning guys!

So I said yesterday I would post tips on where to find or how to grow your own food to can. I will get to this tomorrow. I felt God impressing upon me to write about something else today. Last night, my family went to our middle son’s Christmas Concert at school. It was so cute! All of the kids dancing around, singing, and just enjoying life! It made me so happy because it wasn’t so long ago I never thought we’d get to partake in events like this with our older two boys. God has changed our lives so much in the past 3 years! It will take numerous posts but oh, the encouragement I can offer and such a strong testimony as to how God is in control, and He does work ALL things for our good!! He is so faithful, friends!! I certainly do love me some Jesus!! šŸ™‚

Okay….so after we got home from his performance, I tucked the kids in bed, and sat down to do some relaxing and reading up on other people’s blogs. I stumbled across a few other “starter stepmom” blogs. LoL! I loved reading their stories. However, I noticed most of them were based around how they were struggling with one thing or another. Some it was over the stress of the holidays, others it was drama from the ex-wife, and the list goes on and on. I want to offerĀ 3 tips I wish I had followed myself when I became a stepparent.

#1. Relax…..you have nothing to prove:
I know someone is reading this right now thinking, “Yeah right!” Believe me, almost 8 years ago I would’ve said the same thing. I know there is pressure. Everyone is watching you: the husband’s family, your family, the ex’s family. You know secretly some kind of want you to screw up. But you need to realize right now, you have an audience of ONE!! His name is Jesus, and He is for you! If you spend the rest of your life trying to live perfectly and please everyone you WILL be miserable, and you will have never lived! So relax!

#2. Let go of the fairytale scenario:
Some people are actually lucky enough to be the second wife and not marry into drama. For those lucky few, we loveĀ  you anyway šŸ˜‰ For the rest of us, I plan on doing an in-depth post later from the view of the second wife. I know a lot of what you get handed isn’t your fault nor is it fair, but you must realize God has a plan! You hope to marry into a situation where everyone puts selfish desires, hatred, ill feelings aside and focuses on the love they mutually share for the child/children. However, this doesn’t always happen. We have a tendency to be disappointed, upset, and Ā stressed out! But you have to let that wish go and embrace what you have been given. Most would say, “What? A disastrous mess?” (I know, I’ve been there. LoL!) The answer is a chance to be Jesus with skin on. Offer love and a place of peace to that struggling child.; extend grace to that struggling ex. I am a biological parent now as well as a stepmom, and I have to say, as much asĀ second wives and first wives don’t agree (and some with good reason) I know enough now to know I hope I never have to be on the other side of things. It would be gut wrenching. So try your best to extend grace (whether it be deserved or not) just as JesusĀ did for each of us.Ā I wish I had embraced my struggle as an opportunity in my earlier days of marriage. I know it is hard but if you will look up instead of focusing on what you wish you had, you will overcome!

#3: Do the best you can:
At times you’ll follow the Bible and give a soft answer to those stirring the pot. Other times, you’ll be like a cat on a hot tin roof. Lean into God, and He will sustain you no matter what you are going through. You don’t have to be perfect! You don’t have to be a doormat! Your only job is to be willing, loving towards your husband and children, and glorify God! He will handle the rest!

I just wanted to share a few tips to hopefully lighten the load for some of my step parenting friends!!

Until next time….keep looking up!

Jen

 

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This isĀ my first blog post here on A Healthy Mix. I wanted to start this blog off by sharing why I am doing this. I view this blog as a type of ministry. Blogs reaching out and helping the struggling mother are many but it seems the people who choose to be parents get left out of that equation, and we need more help than anyone it feels like at times. I am married to a wonderful, loving man of almost 7 years. I became a stepmother when I married him because he had 2 children from a previous marriage. Later in our marriage, we had our own child who is a little redheaded rascal that is absolutely spoiled by his big brothers! However, over these past seven years the challenges have been many. We have faced the challenges of kids healing from their parent’s divorce, watching their parent’s in new relationships, gaining a stepmom, having a new baby brother, and then the blending of a family. Though the challenges are many in a blended family I want to point out that they are totally worth it.

Blended families are nothing new. They have been around since the early days of the Bible. I mean, Jesus had a stepfather! He was a stepson! Kind of odd to stop and think about it, but He was. A lot of times when I start to feel pressure about how I feel I should be doing and instead I’m struggling, I stop and think about Joseph. Could you imagine the immense pressure he felt? What an honor but also what a responsibility he was chosen for!Ā When I reflect upon that I realizeĀ God doesn’t call those that are qualified; He qualifies the called. It doesn’t matter if you are brand new at this or if you have been a parent/step parent for years, God has your back! That is the important thing to remember with each passing day. Whether it be a great day where all the kids are happy or if it is a tough day where you hear those dreaded words shouted in anger at you, “I don’t have to listen to you because you aren’t my mom!” Oh sweet friend, I have been there! And I plan on sharing all of the victories and heartache God has been so faithful to bring me through!

So with that one quick thought, I close my first EVER blog post!! How exciting!!! I hope you all will come back and read my other snippets that the Lord has shined upon my heart, and I hope they help you as they have me!

Until then….keep looking up!

Jen