Good morning guys!
So I said yesterday I would post tips on where to find or how to grow your own food to can. I will get to this tomorrow. I felt God impressing upon me to write about something else today. Last night, my family went to our middle son’s Christmas Concert at school. It was so cute! All of the kids dancing around, singing, and just enjoying life! It made me so happy because it wasn’t so long ago I never thought we’d get to partake in events like this with our older two boys. God has changed our lives so much in the past 3 years! It will take numerous posts but oh, the encouragement I can offer and such a strong testimony as to how God is in control, and He does work ALL things for our good!! He is so faithful, friends!! I certainly do love me some Jesus!! 🙂
Okay….so after we got home from his performance, I tucked the kids in bed, and sat down to do some relaxing and reading up on other people’s blogs. I stumbled across a few other “starter stepmom” blogs. LoL! I loved reading their stories. However, I noticed most of them were based around how they were struggling with one thing or another. Some it was over the stress of the holidays, others it was drama from the ex-wife, and the list goes on and on. I want to offer 3 tips I wish I had followed myself when I became a stepparent.
#1. Relax…..you have nothing to prove:
I know someone is reading this right now thinking, “Yeah right!” Believe me, almost 8 years ago I would’ve said the same thing. I know there is pressure. Everyone is watching you: the husband’s family, your family, the ex’s family. You know secretly some kind of want you to screw up. But you need to realize right now, you have an audience of ONE!! His name is Jesus, and He is for you! If you spend the rest of your life trying to live perfectly and please everyone you WILL be miserable, and you will have never lived! So relax!
#2. Let go of the fairytale scenario:
Some people are actually lucky enough to be the second wife and not marry into drama. For those lucky few, we love you anyway 😉 For the rest of us, I plan on doing an in-depth post later from the view of the second wife. I know a lot of what you get handed isn’t your fault nor is it fair, but you must realize God has a plan! You hope to marry into a situation where everyone puts selfish desires, hatred, ill feelings aside and focuses on the love they mutually share for the child/children. However, this doesn’t always happen. We have a tendency to be disappointed, upset, and stressed out! But you have to let that wish go and embrace what you have been given. Most would say, “What? A disastrous mess?” (I know, I’ve been there. LoL!) The answer is a chance to be Jesus with skin on. Offer love and a place of peace to that struggling child.; extend grace to that struggling ex. I am a biological parent now as well as a stepmom, and I have to say, as much as second wives and first wives don’t agree (and some with good reason) I know enough now to know I hope I never have to be on the other side of things. It would be gut wrenching. So try your best to extend grace (whether it be deserved or not) just as Jesus did for each of us. I wish I had embraced my struggle as an opportunity in my earlier days of marriage. I know it is hard but if you will look up instead of focusing on what you wish you had, you will overcome!
#3: Do the best you can:
At times you’ll follow the Bible and give a soft answer to those stirring the pot. Other times, you’ll be like a cat on a hot tin roof. Lean into God, and He will sustain you no matter what you are going through. You don’t have to be perfect! You don’t have to be a doormat! Your only job is to be willing, loving towards your husband and children, and glorify God! He will handle the rest!
I just wanted to share a few tips to hopefully lighten the load for some of my step parenting friends!!
Until next time….keep looking up!